I like it when it’s there, yet barely there
Silence.. Silence.. Silence..
I look at my blog and I wonder, where did all the words come from? I miss the crazy days, the wild emotions and the impulsiveness. Meeting random strangers without a care in the world.
But I’m still having fun, being able to see my sweetie every week. We don’t need to have sex to have a good time, though I’m missing it lots! It’s a strange relationship, and often I’m thinking when will it end, and how would I even know when it’s ending? How would something without a name end?
That is precisely why we are having such a good time, having something which cannot be put down in words, something only we share.
Then I look through my email, and wrote a strange reply, and then another.
One to the one who introduced me to the world of word play, where words never mean what they seem like. Where words mean everything and nothing at the same time. I liked and hated texting him, all at once.
Then a long email to someone long gone. I keep talking about him till I get so sick and tired of him. And then I will miss him again. It’s the classic “the one who got away” syndrome. Maybe if we jus had sex then, I would had been able to keep him out of my mind. But then again, I like the perfectly hateable image I have of him in my mind right now.
I should get back into the groove of blogging more.
Sometimes out of the blue, you would see something or someone, who reminds you of that person, that one person who would always pop into your mind at the most random moments.
At lunch today, a guy sat down in front of me and made me think of J again. Nope, the guy is nothing like him, except for their gender, but J jus popped into my mind.
The mind really works in funny ways, it makes me think of J jus ever so often. Why do I even bother with a guy whom I’ve only met once? Who appears then goes missing then appears out of the blue again, only to disappear. What’s his agenda? Does he even bother to have an agenda for me?
I dunno.. he confuses me.. and I have to admit, I like it. Yes I’m desperate for him, I long to see him again, I long for his hands to brush my face again, where he yearns yet trying not to touch, for who knows what kind of floodgate would open when we connect, when his cold fingers touch my warm face.
Memories are best with age, where details blur out, feelings intensified. I cling on to the memory of that one night, opening the shelves every now and then, dusting it off, savoring the tingles.
We didn’t have sex, but what we had was more intense than sex. I may be jus out for a fling, but I always want something more. An intense want; to be adored; to be held in his arms, feeling like the most delicate flower; to connect; to know that this might be the one and only time the stars would align; to simply lust; to jus kiss; to reach the goal without ever getting there.
If you have never read the final chapter, it means the story would never ever end
There is no past, there is no future.
There is only the current moment.
And I live for the various moments in my life. Some may be small; others protracted; some quiet; and some really loud. I treasure each and every one of these moments, simply for what they are.
I don’t believe in dwelling in the past, neither do I believe in prince charming coming along in the future. Life is short and we never know what is going to happen, so I try to live it fully, immersing myself in the present.
It was a quiet night, we didn’t do anything spectacular, but it’s a night I would remember. It was about the intimacy, the comfort we found in each other’s arms. I coulf jus lean into his shoulders and stay there all night long..
But who am I kidding? How can I resist from turning my head and kissing him? I love the slight lingering smell of smoke on him. Jus a hint of it
And the feel of his lips on mine.. Then the feel of his lips between my teeth. Our tongues touching, then moving away.. and coming back for more
The way he holds me close, not caring if I was still sniffling and coughing away..
The laughs we share, the stories and the grouses. It’s like there is always something we can talk about.
He would pull me close and kiss my hair; lightly kiss my shoulders.. giving me the tingles
We share something which I cannot define, and I was hesitant to blog about. It’s something precious and I don’t want to jinx it, yet the words jus keeps flowing right now.
What we share are defined by moments as well, like when he text me that he misses me and at the same moment, I was jus going to text him that I need a hug. How could he know that I was thinking about him?
And the time when my friend asked me why was I smiling at my phone..
And each time he calls me baby. No one calls me that, but I love it when he does.
And the time when he dropped by the cafe coz he knew I was there waiting for my friends. The way he casually touched my face before he sat down..
I really dunno what is our status and honestly I don’t want to know.
I’m jus happy being in the moment right now.
Last night I got reminded on why I married hubs, he can be so cute and funny when he wants to be. He’s been kinda moody lately, work pressure and stuff, but he was in a good mood yesterday and all his funny nonsense came out.
I made the “mistake” of getting a latte during dinner and of course I couldn’t sleep when I got home. But I jus couldn’t resist it, it’s my favorite coffee place, how can I not have any?
To cut a long story short (coz I had another latte this morning and I’m kinda floating at the moment), after my first orgasm, hubs told me he needs to help me wear off my latte.. And we had a good laugh! Totally unnecessary as I don’t need an excuse for more sex, but jus so cute and funny coming from him.
I love it when we joke during sex, coz sex is a funny affair.