So many things had happened in the past 2 months and so many things which were supposed to happen did not materialize. All in all, I would say that it’s been a good 2 months, though things did not turn out the way I expected, I learnt so much more about myself and I feel like I’ve really grown up.
Before hubby’s trip, I was planning to have lots of fun without him around. I can finally meet all the people I want to meet and do the things I want to do. But when the time came, I realized that I have no need to meet any of the people I’ve planned to meet, I was so much happier spending time being with myself. If I need company, all I need to do is to call home and my mum and sisters will join me for a girly afternoon out.
What had changed? I was thinking about it, if it’s a year ago, I would had grabbed the opportunity to meet all my man, but instead I’ve chose not to. Then I realized it’s because of D. Yes, him again, come to think of it, all these things happened because of him. I’m not trying to push blame but whether I like it or not, D played a major role in my life.
After the major fallout a couple of months back, he have cut off all communications with me. Just like the pill which I’ve stopped taking, the effects only showed after a few month.. I’ve got my libido back but so are the pimples!! argh!! I feel like a teenager again. But going back to D, without him constantly messaging me, I feel like a different person.
Back then, I was constantly trying to prove myself to erm.. myself. I was constantly trying to prove that I’m living a better life than him and that I can do the things which he will never dream that I will do. And so I strayed.. once and again.. all to prove that I CAN and I WILL.
I enjoyed the process greatly, I’ve met quite a few people who are simply amazing in their own rights. But still something was not right, I dun feel guilty for all the pleasures but the pleasures do not bring me as much satisfaction as I thought they would.
Then came the fallout and eventually the fading of D from my life. I feel liberated, I finally feel like I’m myself again and there’s no longer a need to prove myself. I’m happy with the way I am, I’m happy with my life and I’m happy with my hubby.
Life is routine for us, every other hour hubby will make me fume, then every other other hour, he will make me laugh. He makes me angry all the time, but when we’re apart, I’m constantly thinking of him. Even during lunches with my colleagues, I’m always talking about him or the things he told me. His life revolves around me and my life revolves around him.
I’ve finally found my balance in life..