Or so I hope.. I don’t understand why D have to text me at the weirdest times, as if he have anything to say to me or vice versa. I thought we have established the fact that I’m hostile towards him and he should just stay out of my life. I know for a fact that he has a girlfriend, so what is he trying to do? I’m so not interested in him anymore and I seriously have nothing to say to him.

This is how our conversation goes:

D: Hi
Me: Ya?
D: Just saying hi
Me: ok
D: how are you?
Me: same
.
.
.

obviously I have nothing to say to him and if he have anything important, he should just tell me which he’s not doing… so what is wrong with him??

***
I don’t like people who refuses to look in the mirror, or to look in the mirror but live in denial. I have a new colleague and she looks like a frog, then today someone told me her thighs are like christmas ham. But she have to act like this total glam hot chick.. ugh.. And she happily shares her 20 over steps of preparation she does every day before leaving her house, mask, lotion, etc, etc.. and she still look like a frog, I think maybe she should consider something more extreme.. really..

***
I was on the train the other day and omg.. This fat-and-oh-so-plain girl was acting cute in front of her man.. omg omg omg.. please, you are in your 30s, act your act, hugging, trying to talk in that little girl voice is just so ugh. I could not even concentrate on my book coz I wanted to burst out laughing. If you are hot young thing, sure, act cute all you want. But fat, plain and over 30, please wake up. Some things are meant to be kept in the bedroom, period.

***
I need to talk about something happy and that is my birthday is coming up already got a treat, I wonder what else is in stored for me? Birthdays usually depresses me, but I should make the best out of it this time round! No more mopping around, I’m gonna celebrate the fact that I’m turning 31 and enjoy every moment of it!

There’s this cute ah beng working in the same building and I like to bump into him during my second-hand smoke breaks. I always thought he’s cute and never really thought much about it.

.. that is till the other day when hubby came to pick me up and told me that my ah beng used to be our colleague. omg! After more than 10 years, my taste in man remains the same, I thought he was cute long ago and even though I could not recognise him, I still think he’s cute.

I really don’t change.

That I am not, I can be indecisive at times about food but when it comes to important things, I can be pretty decisive.

So I get very irritated when he asks me to stop being so wishy-washy and make a decision, so my answer was a resounding No. And then next thing he does is to talk about the exact same thing which I already said no to. I know he wants it but I do not want it, I’ve already made the decision so what the hell is wrong with him?

Stop telling me that I’m indecisive when you are the one trying to force me to accept your decision.

It’s a clear night sky tonight, just as I alight from the cab, I looked up and saw a beautiful star and then from habit, I start to form a wish, and nothing came to mind.

How long has it been since I’ve made a simple wish? I cannot remember.. Of course I’m always wishing that I would strike lottery, but I’m not looking for such kind of wishes, I want to go back to the old days where I look up at the sky and be able to make a wish the moment I set my eyes on the first star of the night..

Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.

I want to wish to meet prince charming; I want to wish that our paths will cross every day; I want to wish that he would turn around and look at me; I want to wish that he would stop so that I can go up and say hi to him; I want to wish that he would look at me in the eyes and say hi back to me.

I wish I have a beating heart, a heart which can feel as much as I did, a heart who loves and hurts.

I don’t like being a person with no wishes, no dreams, no disappointments, no excitement. I always wished for a stable life, but this is really called a sterile life.

Feelings does not have to make sense, when I see Chip treating my other colleagues nicely, I get jealous. It totally doesn’t make sense but that’s how I feel and I can’t deny it.

I missed the times when he’s so nice to me.. I miss having my uncle agony, there for me when I need an avenue to vent.. I miss him standing right beside at the copier, that I can feel his warmth.. I miss going out for meals and having him sit beside me, that we’ll be “accidently” touching each other all the time.

I miss my Chip.. especially when he’s sitting right opp me, looking at his back and thinking of all the things which could had been.

It’s pretty surprising that this blog is still alive after so long. And I’m pretty horrified by my bad grammar. I’ve never been good at it, but this is like riddled with past, present & future tense in one single sentence.. haha..

So much have changed and so little have changed. I still like walking in the rain, I still enjoy the solitude and yet again I seem to have lost myself.. It’s a constant limbo, maybe I’m just bluffing myself when I say that I’ve found myself, coz I never did. How do you find yourself when you never even know exactly who you are.

It’s already been 5 years since that one lone meeting. We spent almost the whole night together and it’s a lot more that what I could had asked him. His name came to mind the other day and I very much missed how he made me feel.

This is one of my favourite posts.. enjoy..

http://thegirlwithsakura.wordpress.com/2007/07/30/walking-in-the-rain/

It’s been a while since I had a nice long walk alone. Dressed in my shorts and tee, I feel like a student again, walking home after school everyday. I like to walk alone coz it gives me time to slow down and think, I don’t get that chance often and I relish every chance to just be alone, spending time with myself. I like to mull through things, going thru the people and things I’ve met and done.

- I’m trying to, but I can’t remember his face –

The rain was a good thing, it means less people on the road and less distraction for me. Feeling the rain softly hitting on my skin, breathing in the sweet scent of fresh wet earth, I felt more alive than I’ve been in a while.

- but I know I like the way he smiles, his cute little dimples -

I like to think of the rain as cleansing, removing all the pretense and burden I’ve been carrying around with me. For too long I’ve been wearing a mask and I’ve lost myself in the process. The rain peeled away the mask, woke me up and make me realize the things which are truly important.

- I may not recognize him if I see him again, but I’ll always remember how he makes me feel -

Being alive is the most important thing in one’s life.

- I tried not to look at him in the eyes but I did and .. -

Trying to cope with work, life and everything else, I’ve forgotten to live, I’ve forgotten about life’s little pleasures and days were just filled with anger and frustrations. The rain came at the right time, waking me up to the disillusions in my life, nothing, absolutely nothing is more important than being alive.

- the feel of his warm breath makes my heart beat faster -

And being alive means being true to myself, being able to admit that I am weak; I lack confident in myself; I’m not comfortable in face to face situations; I can’t hold a proper eye contact; and I am kidding myself when I said I do not have feelings for my guys.

- his nuzzling makes my heart skip a beat -

The thing is I do, I tend to put quite abit of myself into every guy I’m involved with. It’s not a sterile thing where we fuck and that’s it, I can have sex without love but I can’t have sex without affection, it’s just not me. I need to feel a connection before I’m ready to take a plunge, or even just a dip.

- I felt warmth in his presence -

It’s nice to have me back.

- will I ever see him again? -

..coz I do

With the raising cab fare, these days I don’t hesitate to accept rides. And of course both of us knew that it’s definitely going to be way more than just a ride home.

I had a simple dress on that day, just a little on the flair side so I had to hold them down when the wind blows, and it’s nice and short, just the way I like it. The short dress was paired with a lacy bra once again and stockings, just for the man. Once I got into his car, things start to heat up. For some particular reasons, my already short skirt seems to get shorter, riding up all the way up my thighs, just falling short of showing my thongs.

There’s another reason why my thongs cannot be seen, coz it was taken off while he’s driving. Naturally after my thongs, the next to follow is my bra. I still looked decently dressed, my dress may be ride-up high but at least it’s still on me. He wanted a little more action while driving, but got a slap on the hands coz I rather he concentrate on the roads. Hey! It’s important to live another day so that I can fool around another day more.

Once we parked at the quiet corner, it was a whole different story. He was nice and hard from all my teasing and what can I say, I was so darn wet. So wet that he was actually pretty surpised. I guess he did not really believe me when I told him that I got wet while taking those pictures of mine. For me, it’s not so much physical than mental, I have a fantastic imagination and it goes wild every now and then.

Feeling just how wet I was, he plunged right in, lapping up my juices, licking my clit and then giving me a tongue-fuck, doing exactly what we texted each other during the day. Texting is actually a real good form of foreplay, but please always remember to set at least 5 minutes before you get home to clear the texts. Be cautious and play another day!

After that, it was his turn, I got him to seat up and revealed his manhood in full glory. First thing first, I had to lick the oh-so-delicious drop of pre-cum that was oozing out. I like to take things slow, to explore every little nook and corner so as to speak. As I circle my tongue around his head, I could hear his soft moans of pleasure, prompting me to give some attention to his shaft, licking my way down and reaching his balls. Have to be gentle here, as I gently kissed and licked his balls.

My tongue went up his shaft, once again circling his head, making sure that every part of being explored before I started sucking proper. With his hands resting on my head, I proceed to blow him.

Nope, neither of us have cummed at this point of time. We had a limited amount of time and I did not want to waste such a lovely erection. I needed some hard loving. Pushing me down on my back, he took hold of his manhood and started rubbing his head against my clit.. ever teasing, he moved downwards, placing his head right at my entrance. He stopped right at the entrance, making no moves to enter, just letting me feel how hot and hard he is, and enjoying how wet and hot I am :p

And then he moved, not entering but circling just around the entrance. This totally drive me crazy, I want a fuck so bad.. And suddenly without warning, he pushed all the way in, ending my “agony”. Damn it felt good, nothing beats a hard hot dick after a long day at work. I don’t want to think, I just want to fuck.

One thing about doing the nasty in the car, it’s a small enclosed space, so the whole smells of sex, it’s so yummy and such a turn-on. The more you fuck, the stronger the smell gets and it turns you on more, it’s a vicious cycle, in a so very good way.

As I had mentioned, the night ended with him cumming in my mouth, me drinking up every last drop.

Now isn’t this a nice post to start off the Dragon year. Happy new year to all

***
I enjoy wearing short skirts to work, especially when Chip cannot keep his eyes off *winks* so if midway up the thighs is considered short, then my skirt was slut-short, being around 3″ above mid-thigh. But I like it, and when Boss came over to give us angpows, I got the feeling he liked it too both of them needs to practice at their skills of ogling, too obvious.

To be exact, it’s sexual congress in progress. Never knew that the word could be used in this manner, it bring a whole new dimension the next time I see congress in action.. lame.. :p

Before I go on to the meat of the story, here’s a little something for the people who still bothers to follow my blog.

I love lace! : )

After my Epic week, I took a short break and before I knew it, I met this other guy and got sucked into this whirlpool of madness. It’s good to be mad now and then, relieves stress and just makes life so much more interesting. Before the week with my dear friend, I’ve been very good, so good that I have not cheated in like 2 years. Amazing given that it’s me whom we are talking about. I totally forgot just how fun it is to have sex on the sly, to try out new things with new people.

I’m always amazed at how I can rationalize my cheating behavior, but hey! why can’t I be like a man and have fun? I think I am a man deep inside, but a gay man coz I like cocks.. haha..

So about my new beau (?), as usual, he’s totally unavailable, committed to his marriage, but needs some fun on the sideline. I like that in a man, I so do not like guys who are single and available. I dun like complication, things should be straightforward, like sex, it’s either you cum or you dun cum.

We met a couple of times before everything really happened, I think he have to thank my friend for starting the ball rolling, I was leaving the scene already, as I get older, the stakes are getting higher and the payout just dun seem to cut it.

This is a stockings man, and he got me into it as well. The feel of the stocking against my thighs, the feel of his hands running down my thighs while I have the stockings on. I never knew it can feel so good.. Stockings plus heels, makes me feel so darn sexy… he’s also the one who reminded me just how fun it is to take pics.. sexy pics of course.. I get so turn on when I’m taking photos, I have to say I’m pretty good at it, just look at the pic above, it’s sexy but not over.

The good thing about going out with an older guy, or I should say a financially stable guy, is that they drive. That is so important because suddenly the town is your oyster, so many make-out spots are only accessible by cars. The first time we made out in his car, I refused to let either of us cum. Why? Because it leaves so much more room for imagination. You cannot just let guys get it the first time round, once they get it, they’ll get bored. Of course he said otherwise, that if he gets it, he will want it even more. Well 2 different school of thoughts and as the girl, what I say counts. I win.

The second time round, all hell broke loose. Our foreplay started way before we met, all the tantalizing text messages, photos and maybe even a video or not.. I love it when he tells me just how hot I am.. Throughout the day in the office, I’m constantly wet, thinking about all the things we could do in the evening. It’s actually pretty fun to be working and aroused at the same time.

Things were sizzling by the time we met. So even while he’s driving, items of clothings start to disappear.. We got to this nice, quiet carpark and .. .. .. *deep breath* my mind is kinda blank right now coz all the blood is somewhere else.. I think I need to cool off a little before I can go on.

But what I can say, it’s a pretty great night.. he hits the right spots and damn it feel good.. We finished off with him cumming in my mouth and what can I say, I like to swallow. I like to taste him, especially when it’s mixed up with my juice. I taste good.. haha.. he can attest to that.

***
On a side note, I just went to Millenia Walk the other day and the carpark really brings back some nice memories. I haven’t met him in ages, but the sight of the cars parked in the lonely corners.. hmm.. I’m getting back my taste for making out in cars.

I like my new lacy bra.. especially when the lace edges peek out from my v-neck dress.

***
Colleague A was spotted at Marina over the weekend, holding hands with a guy who cannot be her bf as he’s overseas at the moment.
When asked about it.. Colleague A just replied that she hold hands with many guys but she was not at Marina last weekend.

She win! Handsdown..